We all have them. Sometimes it seems like it happens every day, sometimes more than once a day. It would be wonderful to be happy all of the time, but we need a reason for that happiness, a reason to be peaceful. We need time to ourselves and space. And sometimes things. Just. Don’t. Work.
I remember once just standing in front of the bread section in the supermarket, and I had a moment. I had just wanted bread. I didn’t know if I wanted light rye/ sourdough/ wholemeal/ wholegrain/ white/ white plus fibre/ multigrain/ country style or whatever the hell else there was to choose from. I just kind of… broke. All I wanted was bread. I left the store without buying anything,
Then I had to go back later and picked light rye.
I’m not sure what had happened. I was just suddenly overwhelmed by the choice I had to make. This is not the first time I had experienced one of these ‘small defeats’ but it was probably the most stupid example of it happening to me. I mean, I freaked out when faced with bread. BREAD DEFEATED ME.
What the hell was going to happen with my head when it was finally faced with a decision of enormity? The strangest thing is, sometimes I’m great. I’ve made big decisions before. I was out of work for six months after the coal price dropped and I was applying to at least one job advertisement a day. I just kept plugging away at it and eventually I lucked out (and I know that was all it was – there’s still plenty of good geologists out of work). So I knew I had a bit of grit. But then other times when I’m financially stable I can’t pick out a freaking loaf of bread.
I think we’re all vulnerable to this. Over-thinking things, expectations we place upon ourselves, society telling us that we must be successful because if we’re not successful then we’re failures. I’m not always vulnerable. No one wants to be vulnerable. I want to be tough. I want to be strong. But sometimes that willpower just doesn’t back me up. My self-confidence fades, And I’m vulnerable again.
Most of the time I’m okay. But sometimes a little problem just isn’t water off a duck’s back. Sometimes it becomes the straw that breaks.
We need to be conscious of this, for ourselves and others. Just because we seem fine it doesn’t mean we are.
And the next time you see someone standing for a solid ten minutes in front of the bread isle, maybe just suggest your favourite bread (which is now light rye for me). Don’t snap at them to “move your stupid ass!” because then you might be hit in the face with the donuts and find the perpetrator has already bolted out of the store.
Just a word of advice.
Have you ever had similar experiences or have any advice? Please feel free to comment.
And here’s a picture of a duck. It cheered me up.