Apathy

Note to self: stop trying to write posts on your phone. You always end up writing a great thought-piece before accidentally deleting it. And you can’t find the undo button so you get all devastated and feel defeated. Then you wonder if it isn’t poetic justice since you really shouldn’t be doing that sort of thing at work and you feel guilty and even more distracted from the duties you’re actually paid to complete.

At least this time it was sort of poignant because I was trying to write a post about apathy. Lesson learnt here: don’t let anything defeat you, especially the shitty little accidents that just happen in life. So now when I get a moment of inspiration at work, I pull out my notebook and physically write the thing down. Yes, I’ll have to type it all up later, but at least paper can’t be deleted.

Unless my boss catches me.

But he’ll never find this blog. I think.

Apathy,

              I used to be really apathetic. I don’t know where this motivation to start a blog came from. I’d had the inclination before, usually out and about and then that old meme just rang true:

do you ever get really motivated to do something and you get really excited about it and then when you get home you’re just like nah

Yeah that was me most of the time. Somehow, writing didn’t figure into that – I’ve been writing since I was fifteen with varying consistency, but it’s always something I keep going back to. But having to commit to something and have three regular posts and week and then also find motivation to post about interesting and relevant topics? What about the people of Skyrim? Am I just to abandon them and leave their fate with the dragons?

I think something inside me just broke. I realised that procrastination took more effort than actually committing to the thing I was trying to avoid. Short term pain, long term gain and all that. Of course, it helped that I was lucky enough to become engaged with a community of fellow readers and writers pretty much as soon as I started blogging. Even though I started this blog at the end of July, when I was struggling with the demands of work and was just counting down the days to the end of the year, it was really the best time for me to do this. It should have been the worst time – I was busy, exhausted, and just generally moping about whenever I had free time. I don’t know why I suddenly decided I should start a new hobby/project/thing. But I did. I just did. And it was fantastic.

So the moral of this story? Take a chance. You never know where it will lead. Sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes the stars align and the universe works in your favour. Just reach out and you might find what you’ve been looking for. The response to this blog has inspired me to greater motivation. I wish I could bottle that little bit of lightning – whatever that first spark was to get me here today. It’s just grown! Like how all the negative thoughts can just breed more negativity, sometimes a little action on positivity, a little nurturing and a little love, will just bloom something wonderful.

To be honest, I’m a happier person for having started this blog. Thanks to you.