Well, I had honestly forgotten how good it feels to talk about how down I’ve been feeling. I’ve been counting down until November 27th, when the first round of uni offers come out, and I’ll hopefully be accepted to start a postgraduate Diploma of Education. Until that time comes, I have to suck it up at work.
I NEED a career change. For those of you who don’t know, I literally work in a hole. I have no idea why I thought that was a good idea. I’m not a physical person. I don’t have good endurance and I’m not good in confrontations. Why the hell did I think working in the mines industry was for me? Yes, it’s a lot of money, but there’s a reason for that – the jobs out in the middle of nowhere are not for everyone. At least I can say I’ve tried it, but after almost a year of reignited anxiety issues I can see the slippery slope before me, and I am not going any further down that (rabbit) hole.
As it turns out, there are other people at work who have also had enough. I suspect there are a lot of people in the world like that. I should count myself lucky that I can rack it all up to work. Ideally, if I change the work, I’ll be feeling better. I’m not sure if it will be so easy, but I know I need to try something different. Teaching feels like a good move.
Anyway, what really resonated with me was when someone told me, “You’re not alone.” It’s a pretty simple phrase, but when it comes from someone in the same environment as you, or someone who really knows what you’re going through, the relief that washes through is just something else. It really does feel like a weight is removed from your shoulders.
The consistent sadness I feel at work, fluctuated by panic attacks and rare, strange happiness rebounds, I know I’m not the only one going through this. I’m not the only one who needs out. For now, it’s enough to know that I’m not alone. I hope that everyone else who is going through the same shit has their own way of changing their life for the better. Sometimes, talking to people helps you keep going. And then there are times when you know you need to do something more than talking. I guess I’m at that stage.
You’re not alone.