Teacher Scenarios

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From Teacher Memes’ Facebook page

I’ve been running scenarios in my head with how I would cope as a Middle-School Science Teacher. This is what I’ve come up with.

Scenario 1:

Some smart-aleck student: “Miss, tell us about Uranus.”

Me: “We won’t be studying heavenly bodies until week twelve.”

How I’d like it to go

Whole class applause.

How I expect it will go

I’ll be sacked for sexual harassment.

Scenario 2:

When a student raises their hand to ask a question, I’ll high-five that hand.

How I’d like it to go

Everyone thinks it’s awesome.

How I expect it will go

I’ll be sacked for physical abuse.

Scenario 3:

Class won’t be quiet, so I bring in a fog-horn.

How I’d like it to go

Class is quiet, and everyone respects me.

How I expect it will go

Students’ ears will start bleeding and I’ll be sacked for dangerous use of sound.

Scenario 4:

Kids start rumour mill that pairs me up with male teachers. I tell them I’m asexual.

How I’d like it to go

Kids become respectful and no longer make assumptions about people’s sexual orientation.

How I expect it will go

Kids will assume I must be taking part in orgies, the rumour mill gets worse, and I’m sacked because parents start pulling their kids out of my classes.

Scenario 5:

Kids rise as soon as bell goes off.

How I’d like it to go

They all simultaneously meet my eyes and slowly sit back down.

How I expect it will go

Ideal situation doesn’t work, so I try to block the door, and get murdered by the mob in that bloody-hand-reaches-up-and-stains-the-doorknob-way.

Conclusion:

When I start this education course, I better have a bloody good mentor.

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8 thoughts on “Teacher Scenarios

  1. Me thinks you are a bit worried about your prospects 🙂 Hope you realise that kids are more deadly than a pack of piranhas in a butcher shop. Oh, the fun you can look forward too. Probably make that dark hole in the ground mine seem like a secluded holiday of blissful sunshine, probably, maybe, probably not. But it was fun saying it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. HA!!! Hysterical!!!! See, that is EXACTLY why I could NEVER be a teacher. Between my smart mouth, bad temper and total lack of patience, I would commit homicide by the end of the first day… You are stronger than I am… If I could teach in adult classes I might do better? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I like to think if I run the scenarios through my head first it will avoid any problems I may encounter. Maybe? I’m glad you enjoyed it Leiah! You could definitely teach adult classes if you wanted to, like adults who want to improve their English or writing. Hell, you could teach a lot if things with your diverse background!

      Liked by 1 person

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