Teacher Scenarios

From Teacher Memes’ Facebook page

I’ve been running scenarios in my head with how I would cope as a Middle-School Science Teacher. This is what I’ve come up with.

Scenario 1:

Some smart-aleck student: “Miss, tell us about Uranus.”

Me: “We won’t be studying heavenly bodies until week twelve.”

How I’d like it to go

Whole class applause.

How I expect it will go

I’ll be sacked for sexual harassment.

Scenario 2:

When a student raises their hand to ask a question, I’ll high-five that hand.

How I’d like it to go

Everyone thinks it’s awesome.

How I expect it will go

I’ll be sacked for physical abuse.

Scenario 3:

Class won’t be quiet, so I bring in a fog-horn.

How I’d like it to go

Class is quiet, and everyone respects me.

How I expect it will go

Students’ ears will start bleeding and I’ll be sacked for dangerous use of sound.

Scenario 4:

Kids start rumour mill that pairs me up with male teachers. I tell them I’m asexual.

How I’d like it to go

Kids become respectful and no longer make assumptions about people’s sexual orientation.

How I expect it will go

Kids will assume I must be taking part in orgies, the rumour mill gets worse, and I’m sacked because parents start pulling their kids out of my classes.

Scenario 5:

Kids rise as soon as bell goes off.

How I’d like it to go

They all simultaneously meet my eyes and slowly sit back down.

How I expect it will go

Ideal situation doesn’t work, so I try to block the door, and get murdered by the mob in that bloody-hand-reaches-up-and-stains-the-doorknob-way.

Conclusion:

When I start this education course, I better have a bloody good mentor.