Maybe it’s too soon to publish my book. When you look at it professionally, and note things like the stats and traffic and how much I tend to ignore social media (I use facebook and twitter for mild stalking purposes, and if I make a connection with someone its pure luck), then yes, I’m probably not ‘ready’ to venture into self-publishing yet.
However, I am ready. I am SO ready. I’ve been having fun writing for a few years now, and I am ready to explore new territory. I might not be doing the right things to garner attention, and I’m sure not giving my book the best possible chance to be exposed to the public, but honestly, screw it all. I love reading advice and I love all the ‘how to’ and ’10 things you need to know’, but I’m more than happy to just pick up my book, run with it, and see how far I get.
I did think about sending it off to a few traditional publishers this week, until I remembered how I felt with those couple of rejections I got. I want to try this out for myself, and now, no one can tell me ‘no’. I am an amateur; an enthusiastic, happy, eager amateur. It’s likely that very few people will read my book, and I’m okay with that because it’s more than the number of people who’ll read it while it’s sitting in my laptop. It’s possible that no one will like my book, and I’ve realised I’m okay with that too. You don’t have to like it. I can’t promise I won’t take a bad comment personally because it is personal (it’s MY book, dammit!), but I also recognise that you don’t have to like every piece of me. That’s what this book is – a piece. A piece of curiosity, an experiment with exploring the lives of other people, albeit one coloured by my perception of how such people would act. If you don’t like this piece of me, this cross-section of my creativity, that’s fine. I’ll keep trying. I’ll keep writing and posting and publishing pieces of myself until I run out. I don’t think that day will ever come, since imagination is the sort of thing that grows the more you exercise it. However, if one day in the future I do run out, I expect I will be immensely satisfied with what I’ve been able to create and be able to die in peace.
I called this post ‘famous last words’ for a reason I think you’ll now find obvious – I am promising to be this open-minded and optimistic person until the end of my time. I am setting myself up for failure. But if I do fail, if I take it all too personally and get incredibly disheartened and stop writing, I know I’ll write again. It’s happened before. I just need to learn to skip the interim and enjoy being an unprofessional amateur. If I fail, I fail on my own terms, and only I can pick myself up and continue on.
I’m ready. I’m game. Bring it on.
Famous last words?
P.S. Dear Autocorrect, Stop suggesting ‘selfish’ whenever I start typing self-publish. You’re just contributing to the issue.