From Teacher Memes’ Facebook page
I’ve been running scenarios in my head with how I would cope as a Middle-School Science Teacher. This is what I’ve come up with.
Scenario 1:
Some smart-aleck student: “Miss, tell us about Uranus.”
Me: “We won’t be studying heavenly bodies until week twelve.”
How I’d like it to go
Whole class applause.
How I expect it will go
I’ll be sacked for sexual harassment.
Scenario 2:
When a student raises their hand to ask a question, I’ll high-five that hand.
How I’d like it to go
Everyone thinks it’s awesome.
How I expect it will go
I’ll be sacked for physical abuse.
Scenario 3:
Class won’t be quiet, so I bring in a fog-horn.
How I’d like it to go
Class is quiet, and everyone respects me.
How I expect it will go
Students’ ears will start bleeding and I’ll be sacked for dangerous use of sound.
Scenario 4:
Kids start rumour mill that pairs me up with male teachers. I tell them I’m asexual.
How I’d like it to go
Kids become respectful and no longer make assumptions about people’s sexual orientation.
How I expect it will go
Kids will assume I must be taking part in orgies, the rumour mill gets worse, and I’m sacked because parents start pulling their kids out of my classes.
Scenario 5:
Kids rise as soon as bell goes off.
How I’d like it to go
They all simultaneously meet my eyes and slowly sit back down.
How I expect it will go
Ideal situation doesn’t work, so I try to block the door, and get murdered by the mob in that bloody-hand-reaches-up-and-stains-the-doorknob-way.
Conclusion:
When I start this education course, I better have a bloody good mentor.
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